Bang.

You take it out on the town
With your tears and fucked up frown
Do you think who’s around to see?

Take a step into a park
Take a plunge into the dark
and come back home to me.

Chorus:

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

Get your ass off the floor
Get out but don’t slam the door.
You’re at a new all-time low.

Drive away in a stolen car
Dodge the cops, you won’t get far
If you don’t know where to go.

Chorus:

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

You’ve got to take it in your stride
Just throw away your pride
Come prepared and you won’t be scared
You’ve got nothing left to lose.

Drop all your things and hit the sack
You’re leaving soon so don’t unpack.

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

You know, I’ve been wondering. If anyone ever wants to use my lyrics in a song somewhere, it’s totally fine even if you don’t give me the credit? But I’d really like to hear the song. Cos it’d be really cool and all, you know?

Protected: I’m Not Okay. I Promise.

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This Is How I Disappear.

That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.

Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I’d choke on figure out.
I’m really not so with you anymore.
I’m just a ghost,
So I can’t hurt you anymore,
So you can’t hurt me anymore.

You give up after a while. You begin to realise that no one’s ever going to be there for you, and somehow it just works. Everything falls into place, you’ve got a new perspective on life, and you’re probably going to be a whole lot happier when you need someone to be there but just can’t find anyone.

I think I gave up last night. I stopped expecting anything help from people. Haha, friends even. After, what are friends but people? I even gave up in the great and powerful Satan and all his fucked up gimmicks. Look, I was really trying to sell my soul last night, but you didn’t come? Now it’s for keeps.

But I guess he didn’t come last night because he already knows that he has my soul wriggling in the palm of his hand. My weak, pathetic soul that always needed that someone to be there, who never was. I guess that makes me a little piece of worm shit or something.

I stopped believing in God a really long time ago so I didn’t even bother.

I guess I stopped believing in people too last night.

Ideals, ideals are all but shams
Oh please just shut your clams.
Friendship is a giant lie.
I won’t need you when I die.

There was some point when I just stopped feeling anything. Like how I don’t feel anything at all right now. I used to eagerly anticipate someone starting and MSN convo with me or sending me some kind of sms or something. But I now I know that none of that shit’s going to happen. People don’t care about me, you see. It’s like that line from Bohemian Rhapsody that goes “I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy”. Haha.

I find myself living in my songs. Hiding and biding my time away in my iPod. It’s been my best friend on so many occasions, I can’t even remember how many times it’s actually saved my life. But what’s it saving me from? A life of further degeneration? Friends who never seem to be there? Friends that I’m losing my grip on? Parents who will never understand? Or a “me” that’s so completely broken inside, all you see on the outside is your reflection in the shattered glass.

I can’t hold on to my friends. I know at some point they’ll all just drift away and there’ll eventually come a point when I’m just too tired to learn how to make new ones. I’m trying very hard to feel something for this, but I can’t anymore. It all just went away last night.

I can imagine what anyone who reads this will say to me. Haha. It’ll definitely have a Haha in it. Or a lol. Something to break the tension. Then they’ll struggle really long and you’ll see the MSN message at the bottom flickering between “typing something” and “last message received”. Then they’ll end it off with an “Oh well”. They won’t actually say anything, and they don’t really mean anything even if they did say it.

Oh wait, who am I kidding? No one talks to me on MSN anyways. Haha.

So thank you for never being there, and This Is How I Disappear.

Home.

Home by Daughtry

I’m staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I’m going to the place where love
And feeling good don’t ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain.

I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home.
Well I’m going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I’ve not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don’t know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home.
Well I’m going home.

Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don’t want.
Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home.
Well I’m going home.

Don’t you just hate it when songs become so pertinent?

Hand of Sorrow.

Today’s post shall be dedicated to the first person that I’ve ever met off the Internet. I mean I met this person on the Net but I didn’t know the person personally? But now I’ve met the person, so… It’s kinda confusing, I know.

I wish I could put a picture up here of her, but someone has to be “vain” about it so I’m not allowed to actually. I could, but she’ll poison a chocolate cake and make me eat it. Hmmmm, there are plenty of things I can’t say about her, so this is going to be real tough.

I kinda feel like ending the post here actually.

But I’ll persevere. Okay, so this person yeah, her name is Stephanie, and she’s pretty cool and all. And I met her on Facebook right, and she’s really nice and stuff? Gosh, this is going to be really hard. My hands are freezing up too. Ouch.

I’ll just do a list of why I think she’s cool. It’s so much easier. Here it goes:

 1. She hates crowds. Like me.
 2. She finds large groups difficult. Like me.
 3. She spends a whole lot of time at home. Like me.
 4. She plays online games. Like me.
 5. She’s still studying. Like me.
 6. She doesn’t wear any pants. Not like me.
 7. She thinks original green tea is safer than any other flavour.
 8. She has plenty of older friends.
 9. She has to hold of the handle bars on the train.
 10. She thinks most Singaporean girls are dumb.
 11. She thinks most Singaporean guys are geeks.
 12. She’s a pessimist. Like me.
 13. She likes to cook or bake. I’m not a big fan of baking though.
 14. She’s very direct. Very. “Straight to your face” she says.
 15. She’s afraid of water fountains.
 16. She laughs at bad English.
 17. She hates Singlish.
 18. She doesn’t know how to fill up a profile.
 19. She thinks vampires are cool and she turns into one at night.
 20. She’s identity confused.
 21. She can’t do pictures not taken by her.
 22. She’s terrified of horror games.
 23. She has a cat. How many do you know have a cat? I don’t know any. Except for her.
 24. She has the weirdest wake-up voice.
 25. She’s mean. It’s not the same as being direct, but it kinda is in her case.

I’m going to stop here now. It’s long enough I suppose. And I really need to get away from the air-conditioner.

I don’t know. She’s really cool. Haha, as in really cool. I haven’t the slightest idea why. Maybe I think we’re similar. Haha. I suspect that she might just be a projection or a hallucination on my part, a reflection of my innermost desires to have a friend who would be really similar to me, and hence, my mind plays a trick on me where I actually think that this person is for real.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but neither do half the things I think of.

We might be pretty different in some ways, but I just find that I can relate really well to her. Even though we disagree on certain things. Haha. I don’t know. It’s 3 am. I’m not supposed to be thinking properly

I’m just going to end it off with a song she sent me. This is “Hand of Sorrow” by Within Temptation.

Wide Awake.

(The title refers to both the Chris Cornell song and me being awake at 2 a.m. on the day before my prelims.)

I thought I’d put up a post for good measure, just before my prelims, just so you know that I’ve been neglecting my studies and running off to do a host of other things, none of which are likely to advance my academic career.

I’ve been playing around with Facebook, which is undoubtedly one of the most effecient time-wasters ever created. It beats Friendster and Myspace hands down and I think everyone should just leave their accounts there and come over to Facebook. So that I can bite you and make you part of my werewolf army.

I really want to get the two headed cerberus picture.

I’ve been making friends on Facebook, having heated discussions about all things Singaporean, regretting not being able to make it for gatherings because of the impending exams, and cheating on Pets.

Well, that and joining “The Sims On Stage”, which apparently seems to have taken over SingShot.com. Part of EA’s bid to draw more people to The Sims and away from Second Life? Who’s to say?

I’ve been mulling over many things lately, some of it the same as what’s always bothered me and some other new things that I hear about in the music I listen to. Just like Chris Cornell’s “Wide Awake”, which talks about the Hurricane Katrina victims and what the US and UN have been doing about it.

So come put a sheet over my eyes
So I can sleep tonight
Despite what I’ve seen today
I find you guilty of a crime
Of sleeping at a time
When you should have been wide awake

I don’t know. It just screamed all my insecurities at me. Like how sometimes I see what people do, and I hate it, I hate the hipocracy and falseness of it and I just wish someone would make me forget all of the nastiness. And other times, the other times, when people are just so insensitive that they just don’t know how I feel, and how they are guilty of ignorance.

I don’t know, I don’t know a lot of things anymore.