Step up to me
I know that you’ve got something buried
I’ll set you free
You set conditions, but I’ve had enough
I can’t take it
This welcome is gone and
I’ve waited long enough to make it
and if you’re so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I’ll watch you go

I can’t take it
This welcome is gone and
I’ve waited long enough to make it
and if you’re so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I’ll watch you go

I can’t take it
This welcome is gone and
I’ve waited long enough to make it
and if you’re so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I’ll watch you go

Cosmic urge driven by the awesome-ness of Guns N’ Roses when they were still in their hayday.

Gosh, you should see their newer videos at Rock Am Ring. I used to think Axl Rose was immortal, but he’s aged a whole lot and his voice just isn’t what it used to be.

Besides, this song brings back memories of the first CHMA that I ever went to, when DeCon performed this song. I remember asking Levan and the rest of Ronin which band they were rooting for. Haha.

Han Qi, I still want to market your pubic hair.

Oh well, those were the days. Life was really carefree back then. I didn’t have much to worry about, now I just create problems for myself.

Take me back to that Paradise City?

That’s another song for another day. So here’s “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by the motherfucking Guns N’ Roses.

P.S. You know, if I really wanted to be ignored, I wouldn’t bother talking to you at all. Which is why I’m going to try my best not to from today onwards.

National Service!!!

It’s going to be a 15 week BMT because I’m fat. Obese BMT in other words. But who cares?! NS!!!

Fun in the sun and paid weight loss programme! Specially created for young Singaporean and Singapore PR males who are little on the hefty side!

I’m going to be missing AJ’s prom, but who’s to say that slogging it out on Tekong isn’t going to be more happening than prom this year? Haha.

I’m sorry girls, but you’ll have to depend on Jun Yong and Carl to protect you when you’re clubbing!

Anyways, NS is a convenient excuse to get away from people. Or for them to get away from you.

I’m all ready then.

Here’s “Soldier Side” by System Of A Down.

Boys, dressed like girls
SKinny jeans and skinny frames
Tight shirts and cliques
I will never fit into.
Then another group of boys
All gold and hardcore
Rockers, they try to be
In Chinese.

A crowd,
a baby pram, an old man,
both bumped into me.
As I read the only reply of the three
messages I sent.
Caught up in more than it’s contents
More with what it meant.

A staircase a head,
a couple makes three.
The guy reaches round her shoulders.
And she reaches for his ass.

Boys, playing, pushing
at each other.
Like animals, shirts pulled out
and I follow suit.
Ladies, walk by
pretty, but generic.
I only notice figures
Not faces,
because I am transfixed
by the sight of my feet.

A Coffee Bean!
But no time to stop
A train’s coming.

A broken man,
sits in the Underpass.
Broken at joints
the shoulders and knees.

I stop. I’ve reached.
But there’s 16 more stops to go.
And a bus ride
with a wait not worthing waiting for.
I hope it’s silent then.

This is pretty much how my walk from the bus stop to the MRT station at AMK Hub went. Weird ain’t it? I guess the less you think about the people you know, the more you notice about the people you don’t. Makes me want to clear off my MSN list. Haha.

And here’s a song for all you kiddies. I hope you don’t sleep properly tonight and dream of monsters after seeing this. Here’s Lordi with “They Only Come Out At Night”.

P.S. Getting that DSA is a kickass feeling.

Especially Junyong and Chin Kim. Haha.

Chin Kim said the most incredible thing to me last night. Something like “life wouldn’t be the same without you”. Wow. Haha, that meant a lot to me.

And the two of them, replied my messages faster than I had time to think when I needed to talk to someone. And the DoTA-ing. Haha. We should really be studying you know.

It’s nice to have friends like that around when you really need someone to perk you up.

Then there’s Ivan and Sherry too. They were real late but it’s all good. I love you too Ivan, and yes, I’ll make sure you’re around the next time I’m having a period. (Yes, a period.)

And then there’s Steph. Haha, your name is so long and my fingers get jumbled up trying to type it. But thanks.

Here’s “Leave Out All The Rest” by the one and only Linkin Park. This is going to be my funeral song until I hear something better.

The Pipe.

The Mouth
It is the Devil’s pipe.
The ghoulish music it makes
seeks only to hurt
not to mend.

It does not know when
to stop playing.
But then again,
neither does its owner.

It always plays the same tune,
insulting, scathing,
like a jeer that gets stuck
in your head,
with all the voices taunting,
flaunting, haunting.

Two weeks, two weeks
Still no end.
The pipe still plays the tune
that is Devilsend.
It never learns,
anything new.
The pipe is dead,
and it’s owner has no clue.

Two weeks, two weeks,
and it is only at crescendo.
No stopping, no stopping,
full of innuendo.

But snap- It breaks in half!

A hand, oh, mighty hand!
that forcefully snaps it shut.
In half.
So the sound is lost.
Only the coarsest whisper can be heard
The darkest hour neared.

A threatening gesture,
that hand did make,
more than the pipe did it
dare to break.
Musician, muse, and mind
in a fiendish grip,
almost to shatter, but not yet.
Only to be left with a tip.

Wisdom, though covered with
much venom and hate,
did not go unheeded.
The musician lay in wait.
Only to agree, and understand
all that was said.

An apology, a soliloquy,
a rhyme and a time
For a second chance,
that poor old dunce,
Did ask for.
Nothing less, already so much more.
And the musician, now a fool,
waits silently,
quietly, without utterance,
for an answer he may never get.

Thus, the pipe lay broken
Unmendable in fact,
but the message it left,
remained very much intact.

“Do not play,”
The message read.
“Unless you wish to make
someone very sad,
or to hurt and main those
you call friends.
Those who play the Devil’s pipe
come to no good ends.”

Take a step into a park
Take a plunge into the dark
and come back home to me.

Chorus:

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

Get your ass off the floor
Get out but don’t slam the door.
You’re at a new all-time low.

Drive away in a stolen car
Dodge the cops, you won’t get far
If you don’t know where to go.

Chorus:

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

You’ve got to take it in your stride
Just throw away your pride
Come prepared and you won’t be scared
You’ve got nothing left to lose.

Drop all your things and hit the sack
You’re leaving soon so don’t unpack.

Ride the stars to Mars and back
Winning in life you’ve got to attack
Don’t watch your life fall through the crack
Give it all up, can’t get it back.

You know, I’ve been wondering. If anyone ever wants to use my lyrics in a song somewhere, it’s totally fine even if you don’t give me the credit? But I’d really like to hear the song. Cos it’d be really cool and all, you know?

Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I’d choke on figure out.
I’m really not so with you anymore.
I’m just a ghost,
So I can’t hurt you anymore,
So you can’t hurt me anymore.

You give up after a while. You begin to realise that no one’s ever going to be there for you, and somehow it just works. Everything falls into place, you’ve got a new perspective on life, and you’re probably going to be a whole lot happier when you need someone to be there but just can’t find anyone.

I think I gave up last night. I stopped expecting anything help from people. Haha, friends even. After, what are friends but people? I even gave up in the great and powerful Satan and all his fucked up gimmicks. Look, I was really trying to sell my soul last night, but you didn’t come? Now it’s for keeps.

But I guess he didn’t come last night because he already knows that he has my soul wriggling in the palm of his hand. My weak, pathetic soul that always needed that someone to be there, who never was. I guess that makes me a little piece of worm shit or something.

I stopped believing in God a really long time ago so I didn’t even bother.

I guess I stopped believing in people too last night.

Ideals, ideals are all but shams
Oh please just shut your clams.
Friendship is a giant lie.
I won’t need you when I die.

There was some point when I just stopped feeling anything. Like how I don’t feel anything at all right now. I used to eagerly anticipate someone starting and MSN convo with me or sending me some kind of sms or something. But I now I know that none of that shit’s going to happen. People don’t care about me, you see. It’s like that line from Bohemian Rhapsody that goes “I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy”. Haha.

I find myself living in my songs. Hiding and biding my time away in my iPod. It’s been my best friend on so many occasions, I can’t even remember how many times it’s actually saved my life. But what’s it saving me from? A life of further degeneration? Friends who never seem to be there? Friends that I’m losing my grip on? Parents who will never understand? Or a “me” that’s so completely broken inside, all you see on the outside is your reflection in the shattered glass.

I can’t hold on to my friends. I know at some point they’ll all just drift away and there’ll eventually come a point when I’m just too tired to learn how to make new ones. I’m trying very hard to feel something for this, but I can’t anymore. It all just went away last night.

I can imagine what anyone who reads this will say to me. Haha. It’ll definitely have a Haha in it. Or a lol. Something to break the tension. Then they’ll struggle really long and you’ll see the MSN message at the bottom flickering between “typing something” and “last message received”. Then they’ll end it off with an “Oh well”. They won’t actually say anything, and they don’t really mean anything even if they did say it.

Oh wait, who am I kidding? No one talks to me on MSN anyways. Haha.

So thank you for never being there, and This Is How I Disappear.